Cultivating Connection: A Garden of Love and Loss

A short note on grief.

Hi friends,

I just wanted to take a moment to share something special with you today. Some words flowed from my heart and onto the page of my notebook. I felt compelled to share them here, to give them space, and to honour them as a part of my journey.

In the wake of my mother's sudden passing eight years ago, I found solace and connection in her cherished garden. This essay begins to acknowledge the profound journey of collecting fragments of her world and bringing them into my own, as I strive to keep her memory alive and cultivate a garden of my own, all the while navigating the complex emotions of grief and love.

We've just returned from an afternoon at my father's house. I'm sat in my kitchen, filling a vase with flowers.

Perfection.

A mixture of herbs and flowers from my childhood home, filling my home with pretty blooms and treasured memories.

My mum died eight years ago, suddenly and traumatically. An event that swiped my world from beneath my feet. My dad remains in their home, my childhood home. When visiting him, I find solace in strolling through the garden ; sometimes alone, sometimes with my children. Collecting these flowers, these little bits of mum and bringing them to my new home, a place she never had the chance to visit. Somehow trying to weave her into this new chapter of our life. I collect herb cuttings to transplant into my own garden, taking with them seeds of my mother's spirit. Hoping that they will flourish in their new environment, and grow deep into the fabric of my own garden and soul, bringing my mother's spirit with them.

When I'm in her garden I feel her presence, I feel connected. It was her happy place, she wanted for nothing more. As I stroll the overflowing boarders snipping at lemon balm, lavender and fresh eucalyptus shoots, memories of mum and my life flood back. Painful and joyous in equal measures. This seems to be the opposing emotions of every memory that floats back to me, still even eight years into my grief journey.

Bringing her garden to me is an act of love and comfort.

I miss her with every fibre of my body. I'm now learning to plant a garden of my own without her by my side. The sadness is overwhelming but I know she would be proud. Proud of my little garden grown from scratch. Proud of who I am, my beautiful family and the life we have built together with her love as a foundation.

I wanted to open up and talk a little about my experience with grief. It's become a big part of my life journey right now, touching every aspect of who I am and holding a significant place in my heart. I'm optimistic that as time goes by, my grief will transform and become more manageable. That's why I think it's important to document my thoughts and feelings, just like we do with the rest of our journey in life.

Maybe sharing this will let others know that we're all navigating our own unique paths, and perhaps even find some comfort in that realisation.

Warmest wishes,