Navigating the Secondary School Wobble:
A Journey of Teenagers, Parents, and Homeschooling Transitions
Hi there! I'm Elizabeth, a mum of three in South Wiltshire, UK. With a degree in Education and over 20 years of experience supporting children and families, these days I’m building a learning community and forest school whilst unschooling our children alongside my husband, Justin. Join me for insights into our unschooling lifestyle, part time travel, community building and embracing seasonal rhythms in my motherhood journey.
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Hey friends,
During a weekend walk with my friends, we delved into life's ebbs and flows—the twists and turns our families and kids encounter. Home education, though a rewarding journey, often feels like uncharted waters. It struck me how many of us, in my conversations with friends and the broader home education community, are sensing burnout or noticing some teens feeling a bit adrift, craving wider friendships and fresh adventures.
It led me to ponder the experiences of families and young ones I've collaborated with over the years, recognising a common thread emerging around the age of twelve—the Secondary School Wobble, as I've come to call it!
In this intricate dance of education, there's a phase that sneaks up on us—the secondary school wobbles. Around twelve years old, young people might express a desire to explore traditional schooling. Reasons vary, from seeking friendships and peer support to a longing for independence and a break from family dynamics. All part of natural of development!
But, you know, this transitional phase isn't just about the young person. In some cases, the wobble extends beyond the child to the mother—yes, I'm addressing you because you're the ones I chat with regularly about these things. A seasoned homeschooler may feel the tug of personal pursuits, career aspirations, or simply the need for a breath of fresh air. It's a delicate dance of balancing a child's desires with a parent's need for self-discovery and rejuvenation.
I've witnessed it time and time again—tweens and teens returning or starting secondary school, mothers finding their way back to work or pursuing new ventures, both seeking something uniquely theirs!
Parents grapple with doubts about providing what's needed for secondary education, feeling the pressure to adhere to a timeline set through the ages: GCSEs, A levels, University, Employment!
For young people, the secondary school wobble is often a quest for identity and autonomy. It's a time when peer relationships take centre stage, and the desire for social belonging intensifies. Academic curiosity may spark an interest in exploring structured learning environments, and the allure of independence pulls them toward the traditional school setting.
Simultaneously, mothers may find themselves caught in a different wobble—a whirlwind of emotions and aspirations. After dedicating years to homeschooling, the desire for personal time, career pursuits, and individual passions becomes a palpable force. Fatigue and self-doubt can set in, prompting a re-evaluation of priorities and a yearning for fulfilment beyond the homeschooling journey.
If you find yourself in the midst of a wobble, understand that it's a valid and common experience. Engage in open conversations with your partner if you co-parent, and your teen, exploring ways to share responsibilities and create a plan that accommodates both your needs and your teen's aspirations. Home Education and Unschooling are family adventures, not solo endeavours!
If finances and time permit, consider incorporating drop-off sessions or tutors to provide peer connections and learning for your young person, offering you the time and space to pursue your own passions. Maybe host a small group of friends each month, taking turns with other families. Embrace self-directed learning and unschooling as avenues to take the academic pressure off, allowing your teenager to steer their educational journey while you find your own path.
During the wobble, initiate honest conversations with your child. Discover what ignites their passion and interests. Uncover their vision for this part of their educational journey. Facilitate self-directed learning, empowering them to take charge of their education while fostering a love for learning beyond traditional boundaries. If new friendships are sought after, explore potential opportunities to connect with other homeschoolers.
Balance is the key to navigating the secondary school wobble. Carve out time for your own hobbies, friends, and relationships. Reflect on your aspirations and desires beyond homeschooling. Seek community connections for both you and your young teen, providing a supportive network that understands the unique challenges and joys of unconventional education.
Maybe explore school as an option; perhaps that's what's right for this season of life you and/or your child find yourselves in. Be open to options—maybe it's time to take a new path.
In this intricate dance of education and self-discovery, remember that the wobble is a natural part of the journey. Embrace it as an opportunity for growth, both for your teenager and yourself. Together, forge a path that nurtures learning, independence, and the fulfilment of individual aspirations.
There's no right or wrong way to navigate this new terrain we find ourselves in. I don't have all the answers, just thoughts and observations, but I do believe it's an important conversation to start.
Have you ever found yourselves caught in the whirlwind of the Secondary School Wobble or faced any Homeschool Hurdles? I'd love to hear your stories and insights. Share your experiences and how you navigated through these moments of transition. Your wisdom could be a guiding light for others on a similar journey. Let's build a supportive community where we can learn from each other's triumphs and challenges.
Wishing you strength and resilience on this shared expedition,
Warmest wishes,
A few other posts that you may enjoy as part of this conversation:
I love how you phrased this as the wobble! I think about this transition time as cocooning. My eldest is 14.5 now and I’m starting to see him emerging just a bit, but that transition away from the things they loved as children to take on a fully teenage persona can be tough. Last week he told me he’s ready to pass on all his LEGO to his siblings, which was a big deal since he has been such a LEGO lover.
Thanks also for the shout out! It’s lovely to have this community here, talking about unschooling experiences that don’t get talked about enough.
We are in the midst of the Secondary School Wobble ourselves right now! My eldest is twelve and is feeling left out as many of her friends are switching to normative schooling. That is not a option for us right now; so how to deal with her desire for change *and* my growing fatigue and changing needs?
Such a timely post for us. I'm relieved to hear that this is a common experience at this point in homeschooling life!